What is “Sex Addiction”?
Otherwise called hypersexuality, Ego-dystonic Hypersexuality, Sexual Impulse Control Disorder, Sexual Compulsivity or Paraphilic and non-Paraphilic sexual behaviour.
It is a Maladaptive pattern of sexual behaviour leading to clinically significant impairment or distress, as manifested by three or more number of key markers over a 12 month period.
Various sex Addiction tests/screening checklists are available online.
We know that brain development is a significant contributor. Mood altering sensations are enjoyable.
Neurochemical changes – which the brain likes- helps to cope with the stresses and issues in life.
The brain will develope use dependency. Repeated acting out of desire becomes a must. Corrective action is needed at various and different levels to give back conscious and unconscious control of behaviour choices.
Addicts will risk paying a high price for the pleasures that come from acting out
The real pleasure is not so much the orgasm, but the chase for the ultimate experience.
Sex therapy intervention helps you to learn that you can survive without the constant sexual acting out.
..but don’t forget the partners who are affected and need help with the issues too
Sex & love addiction is not about sex; but don’t say that too loudly because their partners won’t believe you.
SHAME + NARCISSISM = SEX/LOVE ADDICTION
Undermine shame. Expose Narcissism and you are on your way to sobriety
Why can’t I get control? Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I stop? I really don’t want to be doing this any more!
CYCLE OF ADDICTION
“Shame” – the driver which maintains sex addiction
Vital to understand the interplay between Shame and Guilt in maintaining sex addiction. Addiction and shame are inseparable. Shame and guilt are emotions causing negative self-evaluation. There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says: ” This behaviour is bad”. Shame says: “I’m a bad person”.
Work on one addiction and self help techniques with inadequate rehab, counselling and sex therapy, that may result in other addictions re-surfacing, like gambling addiction, alcoholism & alcohol addiction, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, drug addiction, substance abuse and food addiction. The need to attend SA, SAA or SLAA 12 steps programmes, get good sex facts, what is good sex, what is a fetish or paraphilia, defining whether you suffer from love or sex addiction or masturbation addiction and commencing a sex addiction recovery program, are just some of the features and work which you will undertake with a competent sex addiction therapist.
The Boarding school experience
When problems go wrong in childhood, it will play itself out in all the persons adult relationships (especially if it was sexual).
The Boarding school experience is one such experience which may need exploring.
Children & Young people (CYP)
CYP viewing and being exposed to information, which is too explicit for the age and maturity of the young person, can be traumatic. Such early contact with sexual information, that is too much and too soon, can have an emotional impact on their later sexual experience and development. This may contribute to sexual dysfunctions and problems in later sexual relationships.
Sexual templates are unconsciously created from youth and will contribute to possible sexual dysfunctions, including sex addiction. We know that CYP see their first porn by aged 9-11 and the single largest porn group users are aged 12-17. 60-90% of under 16’s have viewed online porn and teens are spending on average 1hour 40mins per week viewing online porn, with the primary focus being masturbation. Addictive and excessive masturbation then sets them up for continued false intimacy, rather than sex in relationships with real people. Instead many prefer cybersex.
“…We are witnessing high and rising rates of depression, anxiety, attention deficit, conduct disorders, thoughts of suicide, and other serious mental, emotional, and behavioral problems among U.S. children and adolescents….causing this crisis of American childhood is a lack of connectedness. We mean two kinds of connectedness — close connections to other people, and deep connections to moral and spiritual meaning….”
Some compulsive and addiction behaviours include:
• Magazine pornography
• Internet pornography (including phone and webcam use)
• Cybersex: Spending time online focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement
• Compulsive masturbation
• Compulsive acting out
• Using escorts and/or prostitutes
• Chat rooms and social sites
• Texting and visiting sex sites
• Swinging and/or groups
• Multiple flirtation and/or affairs
• Sex binges
Workshop for women partners of sex addicts
Next workshop begins Saturday 25 March 2017
Weekly over 8 weeks
Relationship Counselling and Sex Therapy
Models of counselling styles offered include: EMDR, Transactional Analysis, Pyschodynamic, Systemic and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) from a relationship counsellor, sex therapy (psychosexual therapy), sex addiction & love addiction therapy.
Do you want counselling from a Christian perspective? Then do contact me.
Counselling available online via Skype and VSee, or face to face in the South West.